"Like mourning itself, this powerful book, much of it in the words of bereaved parents, evokes a series of reactions... It illustrates the hard fact [of human suffering] but also our resilience." -- New York Times
"The first book to examine the long-term nature of parental grief through the tales of those who suffer it. Although the book includes most current grief research, its authorities are parents." -- Baltimore Sun
After a child dies, the parent's world changes entirely. Years later, this new world has changed the parents. The exact nature of this change -- the long-term effects of the death -- illuminates the nature of the bond between parents and children.
Ann Finkbeiner lost her son in a train accident when he was 18. Several years later, she noticed she was feeling better and wondered whether this feeling was what was meant by "recovery." As a science writer, she read the psychological, sociological, and psychiatric research into parental bereavement. And as a bereaved parent, she asked hard questions of thirty parents whose child had died at least five years before, of all causes and at all ages.
In this book, Finkbeiner combines the research and the parents' answers into a description of the parents' new lives. The parents talk about their changed marriages and their changed relationships with their other children, with their friends and relatives. They talk about their attempts to make sense of the death and about their drastically changed priorities. And most important, they talk about how they still love their children, how the child seems to see through their eyes and live through their actions. They move on through their grief, they get on with their lives, but they never let go of their children. Their wisdom is here presented to any in need of it.
"This book is just excellent. Ann Finkbeiner has found a way to investigate her own grief and perhaps find some resolution to this difficult task of grieving. Thousands of bereaved parents and professionals will benefit from her work." -- Therese Goodrich, former executive director of The Compassionate Friends, member of Bereaved Parents of USA
"The book is beautifully written and deeply felt... It can be of value for bereaved parents who can by helped by it to understand their pain and sorrow and to understand the different ways fathers and mothers grieve. It should be required reading for professionals who would help bereaved parents and who would understand how deeply invested are parents in their children." -- Robert S. Weiss, University of Massachusetts, Boston
"By focusing on the long-term impact of losing a child, Ann Finkbeiner has raised issues and concerns that are rarely addressed. Her book is thought-provoking, deeply moving, and filled with insight and hope. I recommend it enthusiastically to parents and professionals." -- Camille Wortman, State University of New York at Stony Brook
A book that explores our own resilience in the midst of one of the most distressful forms of human suffering, the death of a child. Because children aren't supposed to die, the loss is not only painful but profoundly disorienting. Finkbeiner, whose only child died in 1987, refers to her own experience and the experience of others to show that while bereaved parents can never really let go, they can and do recover, often developing a new appreciation for their own lives. Says one parent: "You just don't treat life as lightly, and if you don't treat things lightly, they do become richer."

Customer Reviews:

Avg. Customer Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

You are not alone:

I found this book to be one of the better ones that I have read after the loss of my loving son Bob. The author while interviewing these parents let them tell their story and tell it their own way. Some had hope, others were still looking for it. Some were still in acute grief years later, some finding solace in volunteer work. The point is we all will cope and struggle in our own ways. This book tells of men and women dealing with this tragedy after at least a year has passed. It helped me to know that the... more info

Loss of a child after several years:

I would recommend this book only to those who lost a child a few years before. For those who just lost a child, it may be too difficult to realize right away how long this will affect your life. Also, that you never "get over it", as long as you live.
It was well written and honest, by an author who experienced the loss of a child.

Best book for bereaved parents I read after the death of my son:

This was by far the best book I read after my son died. It gave me a roadmap of grief to help me know what to expect down the road at the earliest stage to many years out. I give it to anyone in my community who has lost a child recently.

Needed in Your Library:

Powerful and covering so many aspects of the grieving life, After The Death of A Child, speaks to the hearts of bereaved parents everywhere. Read this book and know that you are not crazy for holding the feelings you have since the loss of your own child. Chapter 12 on Job was a comfort to read, providing me with many insights into my own faith as I read the thoughts of others. Read this book to know you are not alone. (Author "Slices of Sunlight, A Cookbook of Memories" Daniel's House Publications, 2000)

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