Men are right. The "relationship talk" does not help. Dr. Patricia Love's and Dr. Steven Stosny's How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It reveals the stunning truth about marital happiness:
Love is not about better communication. It's about connection. You'll never get a closer relationship with your man by talking to him like you talk to one of your girlfriends. Male emotions are like women's sexuality: you can't be too direct too quickly. There are four ways to connect with a man:touch, activity, sex, routines. Men want closer marriages just as much as women do,but not if they has to act like a woman. Talking makes women move closer; it makes men move away. The secret of the silent male is this: his wife supplies the meaning in his life.
The stunning truth about love is that talking doesn't help.
Have you ever had this conversation with your spouse? Wife: "Honey, we need to talk about us." Husband: "Do we have to?" Drs. Patricia Love and Steven Stosny have studied this all-too-familiar dynamic between men and women and have reached a truly shocking conclusion. Even with the best of intentions, talking about your relationship doesn't bring you together, and it will eventually drive you apart. The reason for this is that underneath most couples' fights, there is a biological difference at work. A woman's vulnerability to fear and anxiety makes her draw closer, while a man's subtle sensitivity to shame makes him pull away in response. This is why so many married couples fall into the archetypal roles of nagging wife/stonewalling husband, and why improving a marriage can't happen through words. How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It teaches couples how to get closer in ways that don't require "trying to turn a man into a woman." Rich in stories of couples who have turned their marriages around, and full of practical advice about the behaviors that make and break marriages, this essential guide will help couples find love beyond words.
Customer Reviews:
Avg. Customer Rating: 4.5 / 5.0
Recommended by someone who didn't read it:
I anxiously awaited this book. When I began to read the first chapter, I found the information very interesting. I went online to search for the research that the authors had done or had cited, and I could find no references to it. I also wanted to know the authors' credentials. This was not readily available either. Observation in personal practice is important, but other items were inserted in the book that make me want to verify their credibility. In a field all too full of "the answer" to a couple's... more info
Wonderful book - for marriages and other relationships:
Thank you so much for this book. It has fundamentally altered the way I approach my marriage and many other relationships as well. The improvements have been, in many cases, instantaneous: as soon as I saw things in this new light, my behavior changed, and then so did the other person's behavior. Amazing! One stumbling block for me was that I don't see myself (the wife) as "fearful" - so the fear/shame dimension didn't quite resonate for me at first. But oh my goodness I DO experience anxiety - so now... more info
Great book, even my husband liked it:
Must read for every couple, really helpful. Valuable insights into the sensitivities and behavior of your partner and yourself. Practical advice to make your relationship better. Even my husband connected to the ideas and is reading the book, happily, after initially being very skeptical.
Another book that encourages women to adapt to men - and not vice versa:
This is another one of those books that holds women ultimately responsible for the success or failure of relationships. The premise is that women want to talk and men don't. That may be true. But the answer provided by this book? Men need to be accommodated and women should accommodate them! Gee - what a novel concept! Who would have thought!? Truly groundbreaking! Then there is the whole "women are motivated by fear and men are motivated by shame" thing - which is pure stereotyping - and manages... more info